Life Imitates Me

A couple of years ago, I took a bus from Manhattan to D.C.  As we were just about to go under the Hudson River, I noticed that all the cars around us were like us: taxis, buses, delivery trucks.  There were no private cars.  At that moment, I had a brilliant idea: What if you closed off a city to all traffic except for certain licensed vehicles, like public transportation or taxis and delivery trucks?

I still think about the idea, most commonly when I’m commuting home from work.  (I imagine the press conference, with an almost-chic young reporter standing on the steps of city hall, “Thanks, Tom.  I’m here at Baltimore City Hall where---just today---the city council voted . . . “)  Tonight, I opened up my Baltimore Sun and saw some evidence that other people have had the same idea: “D.C.-area planners crack down on parking: Capacity cut, costs raised to get people out of cars.”  The article concludes by noting that Federal City has reduced its minimum parking requirements in recent years from 4 spots for every 1,000 square feet of retail space to just 1 spot.

I’m generally a fan of public transportation, but I think there are two things to keep in mind.  First, public transportation is either really good (e.g., New York City subway system) or really limited (e.g., Waco, Texas, bus system), and it takes a lot of time and money to get a really good system.  And second, like the right to own property, the right to physically move about (mostly) freely is one of the cornerstones of liberty.  I’m just saying.

Zero to Sixty in 12.2

Here's what might have been:

At the intersection of Northern Parkway and York Avenue, I pulled up beside a Porsche Carrera. I confess---I coveted. His windows were down; my windows were down. I turned off the radio and leaned out my window. "Hey, man. I'll tradja." He looked at my freakishly amazing 1998 Plymouth Breeze Expresso, and that was all it took. He stepped out in traffic and walked over. He looked in my window like he was asking, "Are you serious?" We exchanged keys, and I got up to sixty miles per hour in less than four seconds.

Here's what was:

At the intersection of Northern Parkway and York Avenue, I pulled up beside a Porsche Carrera. I confess---I coveted. His windows were down; my windows were down. I turned up the radio and dreamed about driving a Porsche Carrera.

Juror #2

In the midst of Practice Court, a fun thing for my fellow classmates and I to do is complain.  For example, I could tell you about how much it sucks that while my fellow 3Ls across the country are getting their golf scores below 100, I'm reading 100 pages every night on deemed admissions or electronic discovery or the three-day add-on in Texas courts.  But every once in a while, you realize that you made a smart decision three years ago.

Part of the Practice Court experience is serving on a jury while your classmates present, defend, and judge cases.  Thursday, I sat on a jury in a case where this guy set his wife on fire just outside the courthouse---where she had gone to testify against him for using their infant son as an ashtray.  The prosecutor had promised to keep her safe once she got to the courthouse, then didn't keep his promise.  At least that's how me and one other juror saw it.  The other two thought it was her fault for walking out of the courthouse with her husband.  And the four of us went around and around for about 20 minutes (a very long time in the PC world).

I realized that I made a good decision in picking Baylor later that night when I noticed that the two compassionate jurors were both married men and the two compassionless jurors were both single men.  I've always heard that you have to pick your jury carefully, but now I see that it really makes a difference.  Jurors are not interchangeable.  I knew that in a book sense.  Now I know it from experience.

In case you were concerned, we ended up compromising that it was half the prosecutor's fault and half the lady's fault.

Why Everyone Should Work at Subway

According to the brilliant Douglas Adams:

There is an art to the business of making sandwiches which it is given to few ever to find the time to explore in depth. It is a simple task, but the opportunities for satisfaction are many and profound.

As a sandwich artist, I can affirm what Mr. Adams tells us.

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

I'm a big fan of some of our justices on the United States Supreme Court.  I generally like Clarence Thomas, mostly because of his audacity to be a staunchly conservative black man in a hugely public position.  Whether I agree with his ideas or not, that alone is worth my respect.  I also like John Roberts and Sam Alito, though I think mostly because of their upbringings in blue collar and immigrant families, respectively, and their rise to the most powerful tribunal in the nation.  They represent the American dream.  Most of the justices on the Supreme Court right now represent the American dream, and I can dig it.

What I can't dig is acting like those accused of committing crimes and the police are on equal footing.  The New York Times today published an article about America's exclusionary rule, which basically says that, if the police break the law when they're coming after you, then the State can't use whatever evidence they find because of that illegality against you in court.  Apparently, some of our more conservative justices (the article mentions only Scalia and Roberts, but I'm sure Thomas and Alito are on board as well) are starting to think that's maybe that's not a good idea.  Apparently, we need to help out the police.

Or maybe not.  The United States government has a budget with 13 digits.  That's $2,900,000,000 for FY2008.  My wife and I have a personal budget with only five digits: $x0,000.  But there's more.  Let's say I get under investigation for some tax crime.  The U.S. has U.S. Attorneys and all their staff trying to prosecute me, with IRS special agents investigating me, and the advice of the DOJ Tax Division helping out too.  If we assume that just one person from each organization is chasing after me, that's three highly qualified and experienced people going against me, a law student with almost no experience in the courtroom or in police investigations.  Maybe I can retain a lawyer, but the chances that I can afford a lawyer who specializes in tax criminal defense---to help even out the playing field---is pretty slim.  We're talking about David and Goliath.  And I'm David.  Only I don't have any stones for my sling.

The only stone for my sling is the exclusionary rule.  Take that away, and I've just got a string.

The New Capital Punishment: Sterilization

One day when I was a paralegal, I was thinking about how a background in psychology would really help a judge or lawyer.  After all, wouldn't you better be able to tell when people are telling you the truth?  Then I realized that law is, at its essence, applied psychology.  So here is some interesting psychology about the death penalty*:

In their comprehensive study of homicides, the leading evolutionary psychologists Martin Daly and Margo Wilson note that most homicides between men originate from what is known as “trivial altercations.”  A typical homicide in real life . . . begins as a fight about trivial matters of honor, status, and reputation between men (such as when one man insults another or makes moves on another’s girlfriend).  Fights escalate because neither is willing to back down, until they become violent and one of the men ends up dead. . . . .

. . .

Incidentally, this is why the death penalty may not deter murder.  The logic of the death penalty assumes that most murders are premeditated.  A potential murderer carefully and rationally weighs the costs and benefits of the act, and decides not to murder if the costs outweigh the benefits.  This might describe a fictional murderer on Columbo, but not real-life murderers, who do not stop to think before escalating their trivial altercations into fatal fights.

The logic of the death penalty also assumes that execution is the worst fate possible.  From an evolutionary psychological perspective, there is something worse than death, and it is the total reproductive failure that awaits any man who does not compete for mates in a polygynous society.  If they compete and fight with other men, they may die, by being either killed by the other man or executed by the state.  If they don’t compete, however, they will definitely die, reproductively, by leaving no copies of their genes.  So they might as well compete even at the risk of death; the alternative is much worse.

So you see, capital punishment may not deter because death is always a risk when choosing to enter any activity.  Interestingly, this may explain why sterilization seems so cruel and inhumane.

Outer Counties

The child support office where I work is in Waco, but we handle cases from several other counties, including Mills, Hamilton, Bosque, Falls, Freestone, and Limestone.  These other counties are referred to as "outer counties."  I thought it was merely a geographical reference, until I overheard this conversation in one of the outer-county courthouses:

[AAG:] So I hear he's trying to get custody.  How likely do you think that is?

[Customer:] Well, he doesn't like how I've handled my daughter's relationships.  He thinks she and her step-brother are getting a little too . . . intimate.

[AAG:] I see.

[Customer:] But I don't think it's a big deal.  I mean--they're not blood-kin.

Ah yes.  Outer counties indeed.

Putting Hair on Your Chest

Today, I watched a 25-30 year-old-boy take one more step toward manhood.  I don't really know how you define manhood, but I think it has to do with taking responsibility for your actions.  This boy can't keep a steady job.  So he's fallen pretty far behind on his child support.  So we put him in jail.  (We have programs that can get him a job quickly, and then he'll get on work release.)  This boy took the trouble to create a child, but now he doesn't want to take the trouble to make sure that that child lives the best life it can.  That's not being a man; that's being a child.

So I got to thinking about whether putting him in jail is the right thing to do.  Will that help him take the next few steps toward manhood?  I think it will.  I grew up hearing that certain food and drink would "put hair on your chest," meaning that it tasted terrible or would otherwise ruin your night.  The adversity of the experience would make you stronger.  I just hope that spending a few weeks in jail will put some hair on this boy's chest.  If nothing else, his kids deserve it.

Blind-sided

From our Brother Sol:

Here is something else I have learned: The fastest runners and the greatest heroes don't always win races and battles. Wisdom, intelligence, and skill don't always make you healthy, rich, or popular. We each have our share of bad luck. None of us knows when we might fall victim to a sudden disaster and find ourselves like fish in a net or birds in a trap.

I watched a contested divorce hearing today in the 220th District Court of Hamilton County. They've been married about ten years. One night, he came home from work. She was dealing with the kids and cooking dinner. He kissed her on the cheek and asked how everything was. She sighed and stirred the pot on the stove. "We need to talk after dinner."

She fed the kids while he watched the game, then she cleaned up the kitchen while he put the laundry in the wash. That night, after all their chores were done and their teeth had been brushed, she told him again: "We need to talk." Over the next three hours, she argued that she just wasn't happy in their marriage anymore and that she needed more from life than he could provide. All the things people tell each other and themselves when they just can't take it anymore. Two days later, she filed for divorce.

I don't blame him for being irate on the stand. I don't blame her for leaving him. I only wonder how they got there.

That is so 400 years ago

Some people think they want to be a pirate.  That can be more than a pipe dream or a day in September when you say arrr.  To make your dreams come true, just take a boat to Somalia:

Piracy was up 20 percent in the first three months of 2008, and attacks show no signs of subsiding in April. As usual, the waters off Somalia’s coast are a hot spot . . . .

You'll probably get impressed. 

Or if you'd rather be Sir Francis Drake, the Dutch Navy is escorting UN aid ships while the French and Spanish Navies are working on freeing hijacked ships.

You, too, can live a life at sea, where every one of us has all he needs.  Sky of blue and sea of green . . .

$ = (: ?

Abso-stinkin-lutely crazy.  A Wall Street Journal blog reports that a new study by economists shows that, even if money can't directly buy happiness, it can buy you the things that make you happy:

While research has also found that some of the things that make people happiest — short commutes, time spent with friends — have little to do with higher incomes, the article points out money can facilitate such things. It can allow trips to see relatives not seen in years or places never visited. (I’d say it could also help with commuting, allowing a comfortable home near work or taking a cab instead of bus, for example.) When you’re richer, the article says, you can decide to work less — and spend more time with your friends.

Doesn't this go against everything you've been taught at school and church since third grade?  It makes me question John & Paul's famous lament: "I don't care too much for money 'cause money can't buy me love."

But then I remember that I trust John & Paul more than I will ever trust an economic study to light the hall to happiness.

Paternity

No matter what the DNA test says.

via indexed by Jessica Hagy on 4/4/08

http://www.indexed.blogspot.com/

I don't think I need to say anything else.

Consulting, huh?

Check this out: it's a PDF of an affidavit offered in support of an arrest warrant in L'Affaire Spitzer.  There have been several articles published on the Internet discussing whether Mrs. Spitzer should divorce Mr. Spitzer, but, in paragraph 6 of the affidavit, we learn that Emperor's Club V.I.P. is also known as "QAT Consulting Group, Inc."  Mr. Spitzer may not have been seeking out prostitutes for the typical reason--he could have just been trying to get some advice in that area.  And that's no reason to divorce somebody!

You really should read the affidavit.  It's got some fascinating stuff.  Paragraph 8 explains the alleged roles of the defendants in Emperor's Club V.I.P. (including pimp and madam).  Paragraphs 24 and 25 talk a little about recruitment.  I'm sure there's more, but I'm not going to do your dirty work for you.  So if you have any interest in starting an international prostitution ring, here's your chance to see how it's done.

Enjoy!

National Hypocrisy Week

OK, first we have L'Affaire Eliot Spitzer, now this?

The spills, at the Alabama Biodiesel Corporation plant outside [Riverbend Farms, Alabama,] about 17 miles from Tuscaloosa, are similar to others that have come from biofuel plants in the Midwest. The discharges, which can be hazardous to birds and fish, have many people scratching their heads over the seeming incongruity of pollution from an industry that sells products with the promise of blue skies and clear streams.

Even the environmentalists are polluting!  What is the world coming to?  Have we no one we can trust?  What's next?  PETA members running a steakhouse?  Al Qaeda promoting women's rights and religious freedom?

Moral of the story: Maybe if we all quit taking offense and tried to empathize, this world would be a better place.

Job Security

Occasionally, I think about what I want to do with my life in terms of job security, and I think there are probably two practice areas that aren't going away and aren't particularly subject to the business cycle: family law and criminal law.  The sad tale of Eliot Spitzer reassures me that the vice that underlies the conflicts in both family law and criminal law isn't going anywhere.  One Texas criminal defense attorney writes:

Here is a[n] ex prosecutor who talked of "putting a stake" through the heart of a defendant when he was Attorney General for New York. Now it is his heart at stake.

This kinda reminds me of Jim Bakker.  Wait--is Eliot Spitzer the new Jim Bakker?

I say I don't . . .

But I really do love quotes.  Take them out of context--I don't care, as long as you don't hold it against the person you're quoting.  This is a gem from Eugene McCarthy:

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

As my post-college cynicalism develops, I believe this statement more and more.

where the rubber meets the road

One of my favorite things about law school is that you learn a lot about how the world actually works. For example, I used to wonder how exactly corporations do business. Now, after nearly completing Bizzorg, I understand. I have a lot of respect now for transactional lawyers and that special kind of practical creativity they possess. Another example: just last year, I helped my wife resolve a dispute with a seller on eBay who did not want to give a refund after she offered to return a purse that he had described as navy and cream but was actually plain old black and white. We pulled out the UCC, and I explained to him that § 2-711(2)(a) is pretty clear that she gets her money back or we go to court (for the $50 she paid for the purse). He was pretty scared, so we settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.

Well, it has happened again. Recently, my wife's PayPal account got hacked into, and the villain charged up $200 worth of stuff. No biggie . . . except that the bank account tied to the PayPal account did not have $200 in it. So we got charged the $200 plus an NSF fee.* We easily got the money back from PayPal (they actually told us about the hacking in the first place), but the bank was a little tougher to deal with. At first, they said, "You don't get your NSF fee back because it wasn't our fault." My wife's a tough cookie, so she played hardball and we got our money back. Tonight, we were talking about it, and suddenly the mysteries of Article 4 came clear to me. Under § 4-401, we're not liable for the PayPal charges because they weren't authorized. If we're not liable for the PayPal charges, how can we be liable for the resulting NSF fees? It was beautiful.

Did I really just say that?






*Can you imagine that a bank she worked at in college tried to cover the entirety of its overhead from NSF fees? And they were pretty close, too.

Desperate for Why

Stephen King gets a bit of a bad rap, but he's an incredible writer. There's a reason that he is the best-selling of all time, except for maybe Shakespeare and God. Right now, I'm reading Desperation. Check this quote:

"Why didn't you kill me like you did that guy back there? Billy? Or does it even make any sense to ask? Are you beyond why?"

"Oh s***, we're all beyond why, you know that."

My friend Mark tells me that economics is based on the idea that people act rationally given the information they have. I tend to agree. What do you think? Do we tend to make rational, if mis- or ill-informed, decisions? Or is it foolish even to try to explain why people act as they do?

MSM: right or left?

I grew up in a relatively conservative community, and I attended a relatively conservative college. So it's no surprise that I generally view the mainstream media as being relatively liberally biased. But today I ran across an interesting post. Apparently, the mainstream media are really in the pocket of the ultraconservatives, who ask them not to investigate the reality of the American health care system.

But isn't the media really a business? Don't they just report on what they think (in their well-researched opinions) their clientele want to hear? What I'm saying is: the mainstream media reflects what the market wants, which is what newswatchers want.

So if the mainstream media isn't reporting on something, doesn't it suggest that the mainstream doesn't care about it?

Let's Get Sirius

Growing up, I always heard that if you're really happy about something, then you're going to talk about it. I also always grew up hearing that you only talk to people about things they're interested in. I don't always follow the second axiom, but it governs more of what I talk about than the first. But I think the time has come for me to advise the world about the greatest invention since night baseball games:

Sirius Satellite Radio - I got Sirius as a college graduation present from my beautiful and excellent wife. I have never looked back. I love radio, and Sirius is the answer for the common radio. Come on--I get something like 10 pop stations (by decade), 10 or 15 rock stations, 10 or so country stations, 10 or so rap stations, 10 or so news stations, 10 or so everything. I even get French news for when I want to act like I remember stuff from high school. Besides that: Frank Sinatra is joining Jamie Foxx, Elvis, Jimmy Buffett, the Rolling Stones, and Howard Stern as famous people who get their own stations. Can you top that?

My advice--go by a satellite receiver and pay the $150 per year. That way, you don't have to worry about it ever again. If you don't have $150, it's something like $14 per month. You simply cannot beat that.