Causation Joke

So I'm sitting in Advanced Crim Pro today, and we're talking about how Gerstein violations result in exclusion only if there is a causal connection between the violation and the evidence.  [This is really just a lame lead-up to what I think is a funny quote.]  That got me thinking about this quote from Douglas Adams's Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency:

The complexities of cause and effect defy analysis.

You can take that to the bank.  The moral of the story is that the space-time continuum is

. . . very like a piece of badly put up wallpaper.  Push down a bubble somewhere, another one pops up somewhere else. . . . The only thing that really gets hurt when you try and change time is yourself.

Ah, Douglas Adams.  You left us too soon.

Wii are post-PC

So while my fellow travelers read through hundreds of pages of pretrial procedure and evidence law, my neighbor came over today to make sure his Wii didn't get blown out by the storm last night.  And I beat the Mirror Lightning Cup on Mario Kart Wii.  For those of you who don't know, this means that I have now won everything there is to win on Mario Kart Wii.  I now have only to unlock the three remaining characters by flying through levels super-fast on time trials.

It's so good to be post-PC.

In the Beginning

Ah, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you two unique groups.

The first: Baylor's 1Q's.  They are bright and shiny, happy, excited about The Law.  Rah rah for them.

The second: Baylor's 6Qs, 7Qs, and 8Qs.  They are a little duller, sadder, and sedated about law than are the 1Qs.  They are entering the PC Cave.  Unless you witness for them---which you should---you probably won't see them again until August.  It's too late now to say your goodbyes.

The 1Qs are learning the prose of the law: nouns and pronouns, verbs and adverbs, sentence structure, and the like.  Those entering the PC Cave are learning the poetry of the law: iambic pentameter and blank verse.

I wish I could tell you how great it feels to be post-PC.

Running Down a Dream . . .

. . . that just might come to me.

Today, my partner and I---colloquially known as either "Team 29" or "Team 39"---rocked the house in our big trial.  Normally, I'd be too reticent to tell you that we won, but I have an ulterior purpose.  We won . . .

. . . no thanks to Justin Scott, who resisted my invitation to testify.

. . . no thanks to Mike May, a/k/a Mikearoni, a/k/a Mayonesa a/k/a Mikeanesa, a/k/a Mayoroni, who also resisted my invitation to testify.  (If this fellow had a blog, I'd link to him.)

And that's about all I have to say about that.

Quarter 9 Beckons

I registered for my ninth and final quarter of law school today.  So close, I can smell it.  Here is my beautiful schedule:

• Client Counseling.  This is a class I've been meaning to take.  I think I can benefit a lot from a class like this, and I plan to extract everything I can out of it.
• Advanced Criminal Procedure.  I've been avoiding taking this class, but I finally decided that it may be beneficial for a lot of reasons.  I wrote my article about a statute in the Texas Penal Code, and I thought the issues in criminal law were really interesting.  This past summer, I spent six weeks working in a criminal section of the Department of Justice, and I thought the viscerality of criminal law was compelling, even in such a cold area as tax fraud.  So here we go---learning about double jeopardy.
• Criminal Practice & Procedure.  This should be a really interesting class full of practical learning.  It will complement Advanced Criminal Procedure.
• Civil Liberties.  Another class I've been avoiding, I think this will be a very helpful class.  I feel the need to vindicate myself after my showing in Con Law.  Go 14th Amendment!

And that, my friends, is it.  For those of you keeping track at home, this means I won't have classes on Mondays.  Which means, most importantly, that I will have time to look for a job in the foreign land of Maryland.  If you know anybody looking, let me know.

New Love

I always think it's hokie when people say "I just want to try cases."  But I think I just want to try cases.  During Practice Court, I've had the opportunity to try four cases from opening to close.  I have to say that it's about the funnest thing I've ever done.  I say "about" because, let's face it, sitting around playing Mario Kart is a lot funner than researching the ambiguities of Rule 106 or chapter 74.  But trying cases is still one of the funnest things I've ever done.

And I've won at least three of my cases (the jury's still out on the fourth), and hearing the verdict read in your favor . . . it's nice to win now and again.

UPDATE: I won my last trial (Monday night) and advanced to the octafinals of the Top Gun Tournament.  I tried my case again this afternoon.  Jury is still out but I'll know later tonight.

UPDATE II:  The jury came back on Wednesday and handed me my first loss.  4-1.  Not bad.  I fought hard, but I guess not hard enough.

Juror #2

In the midst of Practice Court, a fun thing for my fellow classmates and I to do is complain.  For example, I could tell you about how much it sucks that while my fellow 3Ls across the country are getting their golf scores below 100, I'm reading 100 pages every night on deemed admissions or electronic discovery or the three-day add-on in Texas courts.  But every once in a while, you realize that you made a smart decision three years ago.

Part of the Practice Court experience is serving on a jury while your classmates present, defend, and judge cases.  Thursday, I sat on a jury in a case where this guy set his wife on fire just outside the courthouse---where she had gone to testify against him for using their infant son as an ashtray.  The prosecutor had promised to keep her safe once she got to the courthouse, then didn't keep his promise.  At least that's how me and one other juror saw it.  The other two thought it was her fault for walking out of the courthouse with her husband.  And the four of us went around and around for about 20 minutes (a very long time in the PC world).

I realized that I made a good decision in picking Baylor later that night when I noticed that the two compassionate jurors were both married men and the two compassionless jurors were both single men.  I've always heard that you have to pick your jury carefully, but now I see that it really makes a difference.  Jurors are not interchangeable.  I knew that in a book sense.  Now I know it from experience.

In case you were concerned, we ended up compromising that it was half the prosecutor's fault and half the lady's fault.

Funny cases today

From Lee v. Lee, 413 S.W.2d 931 (Tex. Civ. App.--Fort Worth 1967, writ history unknown):

[Contestants of their father's will] each received a specific bequest of $10.00 under the terms of the will.

From John Hancock Mut. Life Ins. Co. v. Dutton, 585 F.2d 1289 (5th Cir. 1978):

[T]he Sheleys left their home in Claxton, Georgia, to attend a motion picture theater. . . . On the return trip, Mr. Sheley stopped and bought some french fried potatoes for Mrs. Sheley.  He became angry when Mrs. Sheley refused to eat them[.]

From Osbourn v. State, 92 S.W.3d 531 (Tex. Crim. App. 2002):

[Defendant] first denied that she had been smoking marihuana and claimed that the odor was cigarettes.  After [the police officer] explained to [defendant] that cigarette smoke does not smell like marihuana smoke, [defendant] admitted that she and the driver had been smoking marihuana.

. . . .

It does not take an expert to identify the smell of marihuana smoke.

Just to help you through your day. (:

Delinquo Ergo Sum

Getting wait-listed by Duke Law sits somewhere on the shortlist of most satisfying events in my life.  Granted, at the time, I was pretty upset about it.  But now that I'm wiser and older, I appreciate it because it's one of the few times in life where I've clearly reached beyond than my grasp.  I tried to do something and failed.

Today, I tried to do something and failed.  Miserably.  I examined my first witnesses on direct and cross examination.  What should have been twelve minutes of glory turned into 45 minutes of apologizing.  I tried to (illegally, it turns out) mark up exhibits after I'd admitted them; I asked open-ended questions during cross-examination; and I even lost my credibility by letting my cross-witness get me mixed up on the facts.  Incidentally, I successfully excluded my opponent's exhibit on hearsay grounds, but that's like celebrating a third place finish because you weren't in fourth.  Either way, you don't make the playoffs.

The taste of failure is . . . bitter and nasty and disgusting and nauseous.  And I can't wait to take another bite.  It reminds me of something my junior history teacher used to say:

I love cold, drizzly rain.  It soaks through to your bones and you can't ever seem to get warm or dry again.  But at least you know you're alive.

I didn't really have any doubts before, but now I know for sure.  I am alive.

Running to Stand Still

As I learn to read my homework ever faster (and more effectively of course), I stop to ponder important questions:

Is increasing your productivity increasing your happiness? If you’re getting more done, but not making more time for the things you want to do, something is wrong. The point of getting things done is not to have more time to get things done. It’s to have more time for the things you truly enjoy.

But sometimes you don't have a choice.  Sometimes you are just getting things done to have more time to get things done.  It's that second group of things that you want to get done so you can do what makes you happy.

Law Prof Teaches Firefighter How to Pull Beamer Upstream

Go Bates!

Credit Is Due

The Master of Ceremonies of my Secured Transactions class published an article cited by Vernon's Texas Codes Annotated after section 9.335 of the Texas Business and Commerce Code.  "Certificates of Title in Texas under Revised Article 9," by Larry T. Bates, can be found at 53 Baylor L. Rev. 735 (2001).  Some of you may or may not be aware that this very same Larry T. Bates occasionally goes by the moniker "Prof. K" or "Dee Jay § 9-324."

Did you get my pun?

Jeremy > Chicago

I just wanna say . . .

Thank you.

Thomas Paine, or a Royal Pain for Smart Kids

IRAC.  I do it every day.  You figure out what the issue is, determine the most appropriate rule, apply the rule to the circumstances, and get your answer.

Common sense.  I use it every day, too.  You look at a situation, stick it into your intuition, and wait for the answer to pop out.

We call the steps in the process by different names, but you usually get the same results.  IRAC just tells you why and how you got there.  Common sense is like flying up to Minneapolis; IRAC is like taking I-35.  You don't even have to know what you're doing when you use common sense, but if you don't know how to use IRAC or you don't use it right, you could end up in San Francisco after accidentally turning left in Des Moines.

I like to think about this kind of stuff.  How the brain and/or mind works.  Maybe that's why this article, comparing psychology and common sense, was so interesting to me.  Here's my favorite quote:

Ultimately what really sets psychology apart from common sense is the scientific method.

And

once psychological findings become well-known, people [might] incorporate them into their intuitive thoughts and behaviour.

And then it becomes "common sense."

Beautiful.

I demand a recount

Where are Osler's Razor and Civ Pro Prof Blog on this so-called fair ranking???

It's rigged, I tell ya.

Whan that Apryll

And it's time for narcissism!  What I'm taking in the spring quarter and why.

Oral Advocacy -- With profs like this, who can ask for more?  Seriously, though, I love to speak in public (read: jeremy = ham).  Now I want to be good at it.

Alternative Dispute Resolution -- When I was little, I had two very close friends.  When we'd play, one would be Shredder and the other Michelangelo.  I liked Raphael, but I'd always try to get everybody to sit down and talk our problems out.  Born mediator?  Future ADR hero?  Maybe so . . .

Juvenile Justice -- I tend to believe that a lot of criminals get started young, and I'm very curious how our system deals with them.  Plus, the professor's name is pretty dadgum long and I want to learn how to pronounce it.

Secured Transactions -- My blog's "About Me" section used to list my profession as "Prof K's Dog."  Since Prof K teaches Secured Transactions . . .

Consumer Protection -- It was either this or Remedies.  They're offered at the same time this quarter.  This is 3 hours; Remedies is 4 hours.  If I take Consumer Protection, then I can take one more hour of something elective.  (Read: If Remedies, then no Oral Advocacy.)

Family Law -- I spent 18 months as a family law paralegal, and I loved it.  I don't know if I'll end up practicing family law, but I'm sure that at some point, I'll handle somebody's divorce or adoption, if only to pay the bills.  Besides that, the prof went to Purdue but loves the Cowboys.  I don't know why that intrigues me, but it does.

The Case of the Missing Grades

I'm not usually the one to complain about this, so I'll let others vent.  Does anybody know where the Negotiable Instruments and Basic Tax grades are?  Has anybody heard anything?  Am I the only one who hasn't gotten either of those grades?

And for my reader or two who thinks I'm whining too soon, I'll remind you that we took these finals back in October and that the two grades I don't have seemed to be the easier two to grade.  [Makes frustrated sound.]  Law school.

2d Tier School = 1st Tier Life

A few days ago, the Wall Street Journal's Law Blog named an anonymous commenter known only as "Loyola 2L" as the Law Blog Lawyer of the Year.  Loyola 2L won because s/he has "brought to light" the general deceit of law schools and the media-at-large in conveying that lawyers will leave law school and immediately make lots of money.  The truth is, s/he contends, that most lawyers who don't graduate from 1st tier schools usually have trouble landing jobs at all, much less high-paying ones.  The comments were generally vitriolic, mostly criticizing Loyola 2L for being lazy.  I, in my narcissism and arrogance, think they all missed the point.

Baylor is currently ranked #53 by U.S. News & World Report, placing it close to the line demarcating the 1st and 2nd tiers.  Admittedly, though I had several on-campus interviews with Biglaw firms, I did not get so much as a callback from any of them.  I also know only a few classmates who actually landed jobs in Biglaw.  Am I bitter?  Should I be?

Well--I was.  But then I realized: at Biglaw, you work innumerable hours for a taskmaster boss with very little control over any aspect of your life, very little meaningful client interaction, and very little real-life lawyer experience.  My criteria for the ideal job: numerable hours, decent boss, control over most aspects of my life, meaningful client interaction, and real-life lawyer experience.  Funny how they don't match up at all.

Maybe that's why I didn't get any callbacks: my Biglaw interviewers could tell I didn't belong.  But I'll live.  I've secured two jobs for next summer, both of which I'm really excited about.  I'll be working for the Texas Attorney General's Child Support Division and the Federal Attorney General's Tax Division.  Maybe my paycheck won't be as fat as my private-sector classmates, but at least my wife will remember who I am.

Plus Greg gives us 17 state and national holidays.  Seventeen.

Quarterly Narcissism

I'm always interested in what other people are studying. I think it says a lot about a person (even beyond their interests). So I wonder what this tells you about me--

• Business Organizations II -- The sequel to the thrilling Bizzorg I. Actually, I really enjoyed Bizzorg I, which culminated fittingly enough with perhaps the funnest exam since Torts I. I left feeling like a boxer who leaves the ring after the 12th round not entirely sure how the judges will score but glad he wasn't knocked out. Unfortunately, that also means you didn't knock out your opponent.
• Federal Courts -- Taught by an eminent blogger, I thought this would be a helpful class, especially the more I get to know myself and what I want to do. Unlike most of my blogging comrades, I am growing more and more interested in business-type litigation: tax, bankruptcy, corporate issues. The fed courts do tax and bankruptcy (though I don't think we cover them specifically in this class), so it should help in the long run.
• Corporate Tax -- I don't think I even have to explain myself on this one. Why wouldn't you take Corporate Tax? What? You think corporate law is the most boring possible use of time and tax somehow exceeds that? Well, I think you're wrong.*
• Constitutional Law -- Because it's required. And because the prof has been teaching it since before the major leagues got divisions, before the Super Bowl, almost before major professional sports came to Texas. If that's not amazing, nothing is.
• Immigration Law -- ¡Somos todos Americanos!

Who's with me?

*Maybe after finals I'll blog about why business law is the best out there.

Who names these things

Ever since I read about the Uniform Testamentary Additions to Trusts Act, I've been singing "Hakuna UTATA."

Oh well. I won't worry about it--I'll just eat some grubs. Or maybe some TUUNAA.